Love Twilight? Complement Your Shit Taste In Films With Shit Music!

Photographic proof that the metal scene needs a cull.

Not knowing any 14 year old Twilight fans, I was blissfully unaware of the band Vampires Everywhere!, so it is with great regret that I inform you that that happy period of my life has now drawn to a close.

If you haven't heard of this band, then let me fill you in. First to note is that the auto-tuned melodic vocals have been so computerized that they resemble Wall-E singing karaoke, but this still doesn't disguise the obvious fact that the vocalist has so little talent that he's in danger of collapsing into his own vacuousness, creating a musical black hole. Worry not! The vocalist has two settings! The 'heavy' vocals are on a par with the 'heavy' vocals from We Are The Ocean (i.e. the sounds of a 15 year old having a hissy fit), so it's not like the melodic vocals can be forgiven in that respect. Mix that with uninspiring....everything...., lyrics that make you wonder if these young hipsters have Bieber-fever and a dress sense that makes them look like an army of Noel Fielding clones. The result is a mess so catastrophic that I'm starting to think that there might be some as-yet-unknown law of the universe that creates a baby Jesus just so he can bawl his fucking eyes out over the whole affair.

You know when Bill Hicks used to rant about certain talentless musicians sucking Satan's cock in order to achieve fame & success? These guys are the epitome of those musicians; I'm guessing their gullets must be saltier than a 'value' supermarket ready meal.

If, like me, curiosity will end up killing your ears, you can listen to some of their tracks on their MySpace page (click here - don't say I didn't warn you).